essay's

Just thought i would share

Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in highschool essays. These excerpts are published each year to theamusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year'swinners.....

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had itstwo sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breakingalliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come fromexperience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solareclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes aroundthe country speaking at high schools about the dangers oflooking at a solar eclipse, without one of those boxes with a pinhole init.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactlythe way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like aHefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scenehad an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation inanother city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailst! ones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed loversraced across the grassy field toward each other like two freighttrains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant andshe was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steeltrap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. Butunlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you getfrom not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended oneslender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kidsaround with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought heheard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.