leaving on an airplane, don't know when i'll be back again...

Hello everyone, i realize i am continueing to put up "joke Posts" from forwarded e-mails (mostly from my husband) however find them very humorous and hope that you can enjoy this one as much as i do. This in an ode to the people who were stuck on that airplane a few weeks ago that made all the headlines.

Airline Maintenance

"Quality People Providing Quality Service" It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those who routinely fly in their jobs. After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots (marked with a P)and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for.

P: OFF inoperative. S: OFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.

And the best one: P: Noise coming from under instrument panel . Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget